rest.

WoW! its been a while! Yes, i just spelled WoW funny because words that are spelled the same both ways i like to make the ends capital. Dont judge.
Well i have many things that i could talk about that would probably bore you like how i have an amazing boyfriend, yes i said it! Or even how i bought a car with my own money! Its a 2003 PT Cruiser. But im going to spend this time talking about what the Lord has been teaching me! Okay so this week has not been my most favorite week because its been stressful and frustrating just with work and life and growing up. Monday night i was laying in bed after going to the Voices of LC concert... which was really just a savage worship session. As i was laying there all cuddled up, im pretty sure the Lord spoke because i just dont come up with this stuff. Im sometimes weary of saying the Lord said bc what if it really was just me? i dont wanna confuse the two because my thoughts of sin, selfishness, hate, lust, and simply being a young adult in the world is nowhere near compared to the Lord speaking life and joy and stretching me beyond measure.
So with those rambles, this is what was said... Shannon rest in the fact that you are MINE. man, talk about something to go to sleep with. The frustrations, stress, and annoyance.. i realized that bigger than all of that is the fact that I am a child of God. He is my Father, Protector, Provider, Comfortor, Giver of Joy. Which is so much more jam worthy than being annoyed at the week. So then of course i immediatly got out my journal and wrote it down using my phone light because i was already about to go to sleep so the lights were off!
It's really been a lot to chew on this week, but despite the badness its been so good and i should probably spend more time being thankful for that than for wishing that the week would end. I should probably just be thankful that the Lord even blessed me with this week. Sometimes i find that its easier to be frustrated than to be thankful. But at the end of the day, i am a daughter of Christ. THAT my friends is a lot to be thankful for.

oh heyy

oh hey there, my name is Shannon Smith, BSW. You may know me... but you could have also forgotten me because its been a billion years since i have updated! I dont really have any amazing jam story for the month but i will tell you some things.
I have officially entered the world of being grown.... i work constantly and am okay with it because i would not have anything else to do during the day. I am currently saving up for a car which im almost about to have... im looking at a 91 cadillac. its okay if you are jealous. If i get him his name is going to be harold and he is blue!
i also was a grown up and payed my credit card off, its really an amazing feeling of freedom!
The Lords provision in my life lately has been ridiculous and he has been teaching me!
I moved out of my house and into an apartment with a friend. She so graciously took me under her wing until i go to grad school in a year! That was def a blessing from the Lord.
He has been teaching me a lot about boys being men and how rare that actually is in todays world. A good pal told me that girls dont require chilvary anymore, which is why its dead. That totally makes perfect since and its a little sad. Also, about men being spiritual leaders and continuously making an effort to encourage you in the word . Really just a lot of things that are going to be ultimate jams when i get married! My favorite is when the Lord teaches you something, but also displays it so it can be more real! Not only in this situation, but many!
I take the GRE on september 17th! Im so nervous about it but i would really be okay with taking it tomorrow and getting it over with! then the next day i have a shower and a wedding for two ultimate friendsies. Then the next day i leave for the beach with 4 of my best friends!
I am in the process of planning a trip to new mexico with my friend HannaH, which im way excited about! We are going to see my family who i have not seen since i was in high school! Its going to be the highlight of my year im sure!!
I realized i have the coolest siblings ever. My oldest sister who is funny and is learning about growing up. Its a cool process to watch. My oldest brother, well he is interesting but i wouldnt trade him. My other older sister, we are pals and we are similiar. My little brother, he is so thug lyfe he doesnt really know what to do with himself. For an outsider, its kinda life changing! We are all so different but we really do make the perfect set of brothers and sisters! then there is my twin... i want to be her. Or at least have her heart.

i tried to change things a put a picture of harold but it was taking too long. dont hate me!

one through seven.

Well, its been about 2 months since i have blogged last. Im sure you guys have been sitting at your computer hitting the refresh button over and over again in anticipation for a new blog! Even if you haven't please let me think so! thanks!! So much has happened since i graduated so i will put it in a numerical list for you.
1. i went to fort worth for about two weeks and hung out with my good friends Katy, tommy, and their baby jubilee! It really was such a wonderful two weeks in my life! I met new friends and had so much fun! I even went see Kari jobe for the second time, which always changes my life!
2. I turned twenty two on july 1.... i always accept late prizes. Its pretty much felt the same as 21 so there is not much i can write about it. I won a free cake and got a free cupcake... so no complaints! I mean lets be real!
3. The Lord has been teaching me so much lately. He has been rocking my world with phil. 4: 4-5 which pretty much says Rejoice in the Lord always, I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. I feel like so much has been happening in order to let the verse be applicable in my life. I think im failing at it though. I was reading a book the other day... yes reading. Called A Perfect Mess by Lisa Harper. I have been reading it for quite some time and in the current chapter im on she was talking about how in the book of Psalms, most of them are psalms of mourning or lament. Each one of those psalms starts with sadness but ends with rejoicing with the acception of Psalm 88. Its so cool to see rejoicing in the Lord in the crappy times played out! It makes it seems more realistic.
4. I have been journaling lately and its pretty much been changing my life and i have no idea why i did not start it earlier. Its so easy for me to be honest and vulnerable on paper because i pretty much suck at it in real life. Im even bad at being honest with myself about life and this has helped so much.
5. I went frogging.... it was quite an adventure. I put on my chacos go in the boat and went. We decided not to use a gigger which is what most people use because it kills the frogs so they can be cooked. We really just went for fun and used our hands to catch them so we could put them back. However, we caught nothin! We did see three alligators, three raccoons, one nutria rat, and the big dipper!! Which i would say is a pretty successful night... at least to me! It was so cool riding out on the boat because we went right when the sun was setting so my favorite part of the whole trip was looking back and seeing the waves in the water from the boat and the trees with the multicolored sky in the mix! Not to mention my hair blowing in the wind and the sound of the frogs croaking.
6. I have entered into real life now and have been working a lot. Its lame but im closer to saving up for a car with the second job i picked up about a month ago! I feel like all i do is work!! I still have not decided about grad school and i have still not registered for the GRE. I think mostly im scared, but its real life!
7. This summer i miss camp so much. I miss the people, the campers, the activities, the fun. It makes me so sad that Im not there. I shamefully tear up everytime i look at pictures people have been putting up from this summer. I have to keep remember that the Lord is for me and He has me right where he wants me this summer. I have been learning a lot about his faithfulness.

i graduated.. no big deal.

well, im sure this is the post you have all been waiting for... I GRADUATED!!! Yes, i like to call myself Shannon smith, BSW!! Its been kind of a rough transition... emotionally rough really. I think that comes from the fear of the unknown though which is perfectly normal. Im feeling a lot of things like scared nervous excited anxious happy overwhelmed... A mixture of the good and the bad! Graduation day was good... i went to the breakfast thing before, but those are always awkward because they make you feel like you have no friends. You know because none of your friends go at the same time and everyone is with their families so no one acts the same! It's sad but true!! While graduation was happening it was kind of an overwhelming experience... i may or may not have almost cried but i did not want people to see so i held it in... which probably was not healthy because now it's in there and probably going to come out at the most inappropriate time!! The night before graduation was social work pinning ceremony. It was some what of a jam and somewhat awkward! After i went eat with the Duffy family and some friends which was pretty much an amazing way to end my LC career!!
This whole graduating thing has taught me a thing or two... most importantly that there are people who love me and people who are proud of me. Even at times when i feel unloved or unappreciated, there are people there. I know this is one of those things where you are suppose to be content in the Lords love and no that he is your forever friend and will never leave you. And that he is there when you feel most alone. Maybe it sounds superficial or maybe totally lame or maybe i should read the bible more but whatever it sounds like its just good to know that there are people there when you need them.
The Lord has been putting new people in my life which I am extremely thankful for! It's really been a good season of my life even though it has been way emotionally draining... but I don't think i would change it. I sure as crap dont want to go through it again, but i'm glad it happened!
As for what im doing next.. I have zero idea..... but i know what im doing now and i think im finally at a point where that is all that really matters. Im going to Dallas on Sunday for a couple weeks, which i think will be a very beneficial get a way trip. Then im going to come back and work at school in student development. During that time im going to look intentionally for a job... or wait for one to come to me... but, i will most likely look!

oh hey BSW!


oh hey new pals!

SURPRISE!!!!

So, tonight I had life group... which i thought would be a regular ole life group nothing unusual... i was wrong. It was a surprise graduation party for me!! Decorations, gifts, cake, friends, and cards!!! I really loved it more than anything in the world. I have never had a surprise party of any sorts and I could not have asked for a better first one!! My creeping skills did not help me out on this one!! My friends from out of town even came in... they drove in for me!! They were just here on Sunday so that was most unexpected!!! Through all of this excitement, i processed so much!! I think i was in such shock because as lame as it is, i feel so undeserving of it all... Im an okay friend.. but im not the best!! I did nothing really... i am graduating from college its not like it has not been done before. Tonight all of these people were there for me and they planned this for me because they love me and i am important for them. They are my family even when my home family is being ultra lame, which happens a lot as you can tell from previous blogs. They are there to help me. Eric was praying tonight and he prayed for me and thanked the Lord for me and for the impact i have made and the impact i have made on campus. News to me, i never even knew i did those things. I think its hard for me to know im doing good unless i see immediate results. These people are in my life for a reason and I am so thankful for it!! They are such an encouragement to me!
i graduate on Saturday which is like three days aways... just saying. Its kind of an emotional time in my life but im making it!! The Lord is going to use this in an unbelievable way i just have to wait to find out... but meanwhile, he is revealing the support all in my life!!

a blog.

This blog is probably not going to be about anything in particular, i will probably just ramble. So please, get ready.
1. I have been making new friends and its really been quite refreshing. I have been struggling with friendships in general. All of my friends have lives that I am not often a part of. It hard not to take it personal, but its really not a personal reason. They are just moving on, which makes me happy for them... amongst my selfishness because i do not like change.
2. my internship is done tuesday... 425 hours later! It was a really cool experience. I learned a lot about adolescents. My most favorite is that they really are nice and caring in their own little way. We were doing a donut sale thing for Childrens Miracle Network and these two guys came up. One was this buff attractive guy who was very clean cut. He wore nice clothes and took care of himself quite nicely. The other was this not so buff not so attractive guy. He had food from lunch all over his shirt and did not take care of himself outwardly. If i had to guess, i would say he has some kind of learning disability. Anyway, they came up to the donut stand together.... i was kind of really surprised they were even friends. The nice looking boy bought the other boy a donut and even though it sounds dumb, it was one of the most precious things ever.
3. I graduate in two weeks as of yesterday ( I accept all cash and checks, payable to shannon smith). Its scary. i have no idea what im going to do. Im going to be lame and work in student development at school over the summer... money is money! Im usually a planner so this whole not knowing what im doing for a year is not exciting. I want to work with kids i know that for sure.... a day care i could work... but i just spent four years on a degree i would like to use. Are there after school places for adolescents? that would be fun... i could help with homework and be a secret social worker. :) So if you have any ideas of what i could do for the next year of my life... please dont be scared to speak up! Whatever it is though, it will be wonderful. It is kind of annoying but really cool that im freaking out over the next year and the Lord knows every detail!

gratefulness.

So tonight I was at life group and someone said the following after watching the Matt Chandler bible study on Philippians....
"when i am grateful for my parents it is easier for me to love them"
dang man, talk about intense hurlage. These past few weeks I have been so wrapped up in the unfairness of my parents and how i don't agree with so much that they do. When I say wrapped up I mean completely consumed. I thought about it all the time and it affected my mood greatly, mainly because i was/am on the receiving end of all the unfairness. I told people about it, who in reality could probably care less about my family situation because they have more stressful things to think about. I don't understand why they do what they do and its really not my place to, all i am really suppose to do is be grateful for what they have done and will continue to do for me. Lets face it im probably not the best daughter in the world, but there are worse. The Lord wants us to be grateful for all that we have no matter how crappy or amazing it is. I should prob start being more grateful even though they work my nerves to no end... but lets be honest for a minute whose parents do not get on their nerves. I love my parents, I just started thinking that maybe if im more appreciative of them then I will be able to show my love better. Maybe I will be happier.
Not to say that me writing this blog or even coming to the realization that I'm not always... or more like I'm never appreciative will make everything better, but i think its a good start. I know that I have the parents I have for a reason. The Lord knew my parents would get divorced and that my mom would move to new york and not be a good mom and that my step-mom would take the place of her and be more like my mom. He even knew she would get on my nerves, i would get on her nerves, and that we would totally clash in every way possible. He also knew all the times we would have fun together and the times when we actually act like a mother and child. However, He put me in it for a reason. Maybe that reason is gratefulness or maybe patience or maybe the observation of how i do and do not want my family to be.... whatever it is... It's good, maybe not now but in the future.
This is kind of a summary of how I have felt. There has been a lack of understanding which causes frustration which shows in my daily life.

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this

-rita springer
worth it all.