Tuesday, November 3, 2009


You repair all that we have torn apart and You unveil a new beginning in our hearts and We stand grateful for all that has been left behind andAll that goes before us You've got all things suspended All things connected Nothing was forgotten' Cause your love is perfect You are our healer And you know what's broken And we're not a mystery to you (to you, oh Lord, to you) We will dance 'cause you restore the wasted years and You will sing over all our coming fears and We'll stand grateful for all that has been left behind and all that goes before us Lord, you mend the breech And you break every fetter You give us your best, but what we thought was better And you are to be praised You are to be praised (to you, oh Lord, mender of the broken)
Mended -- Watermark

So tonight as i was sitting in my room i decided to listen to music instead of watching t.v. This was the first song that came to play on my itunes, its a good song and i use to love it! I have not listened to it in a while but tonight i did. Then i listened to a song by bethany dillon. Before turning on my music my heart felt a little heavy so i wanted to sit in my room play on facebook and just listen to music hoping the Lord would speak. In the midst of the B. Dil song my eyes began to get a little watery, then four tears began to stream down my face. Somewhere in my life my tear ducts broke and I forgot how to cry so i consider these four tears a cry. I really have no idea why this happened but it did. Its been a hard semester for me and honestly im just ready to get out. I do not really know whats here for me anymore, but all of my dreams seem unrealistic because I dont drive. Everyone keeps harping about it and i dont like that i dont drive but i dont and i dont see it changing anytime soon. I feel stuck here and that no matter what my dreams are it doesnt matter because i will be here. i feel broken. I dont even feel broken as in the Lord is breaking me... i just feel broken. broken like a bone only a cast will not fix it... in this case and cast will just hide it. So i am kind of okay with that and have found myself complacent in my hiding. I know that through all of this the Lord will continue to be sovereign but its just hard. I still have happy times, but mostly i just put a smile on my face because its the only thing i really know how to do! A smile and a joke or two will fix life right?! Then i get to points where I just wish I knew what was wrong with me. Is what im going through normal or am i just a creep! I figure its just life and eventually it will get better I just have to suck it up!
This week has been good but long. The weekend was okay too my best friends and I were all together so that was such a blast! This weekend my other best friends are coming in and im stoked about that. The weekend before the one we just had was not good... i was really emo and had some pretty emo writings that came out of it but im not going to share.
I started spending time with the Lord which is something I have been slacking at! Im trying to seek him in the midst of my sorrow and feelings of being broken and empty. I hate that at times of sorrow i find myself seeking the Lord and not in times of happiness as well but thats usually how it works right.. I dont really know whats wrong with me but He does! So much has been going on and i know i cant change it, i just have to face it because sometimes my opinion doesnt really matter. There are times when I feel alone even though i know im not but i just feel that way. I have learned in my lifetime to not ask why something is happening to you, but what you can learn from it. Thinking about it.. i dont really find myself asking anything, i just find myself dealing with it.
Sky came to school to recruit... a part of my wants to go back so bad but the realistic part says no shannon you cant because you need to get a real job and save money. That is not really something im wigging out about but every now and then it comes to my head.
I would like to apologize for this depressing post, but its a representation of my life these days and that is what blogging is for right?
He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog and set my feet upon a rock making my steps secure. Psalm 40:2

Boyfriend update: we are over a month now... its been good! He makes me smile, not because i feel like i have to but just because he is so wonderful! We have monday night date night and thursday night movie night that we have set aside. Those are nights where we for sure hang out and its so good!! He also came to sunday night dinner this past sunday with me! He has met the whole fam now except sam and my little brother. They all seem to like him so that is a good sign!