Sunday, April 25, 2010

a blog.

This blog is probably not going to be about anything in particular, i will probably just ramble. So please, get ready.
1. I have been making new friends and its really been quite refreshing. I have been struggling with friendships in general. All of my friends have lives that I am not often a part of. It hard not to take it personal, but its really not a personal reason. They are just moving on, which makes me happy for them... amongst my selfishness because i do not like change.
2. my internship is done tuesday... 425 hours later! It was a really cool experience. I learned a lot about adolescents. My most favorite is that they really are nice and caring in their own little way. We were doing a donut sale thing for Childrens Miracle Network and these two guys came up. One was this buff attractive guy who was very clean cut. He wore nice clothes and took care of himself quite nicely. The other was this not so buff not so attractive guy. He had food from lunch all over his shirt and did not take care of himself outwardly. If i had to guess, i would say he has some kind of learning disability. Anyway, they came up to the donut stand together.... i was kind of really surprised they were even friends. The nice looking boy bought the other boy a donut and even though it sounds dumb, it was one of the most precious things ever.
3. I graduate in two weeks as of yesterday ( I accept all cash and checks, payable to shannon smith). Its scary. i have no idea what im going to do. Im going to be lame and work in student development at school over the summer... money is money! Im usually a planner so this whole not knowing what im doing for a year is not exciting. I want to work with kids i know that for sure.... a day care i could work... but i just spent four years on a degree i would like to use. Are there after school places for adolescents? that would be fun... i could help with homework and be a secret social worker. :) So if you have any ideas of what i could do for the next year of my life... please dont be scared to speak up! Whatever it is though, it will be wonderful. It is kind of annoying but really cool that im freaking out over the next year and the Lord knows every detail!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

gratefulness.

So tonight I was at life group and someone said the following after watching the Matt Chandler bible study on Philippians....
"when i am grateful for my parents it is easier for me to love them"
dang man, talk about intense hurlage. These past few weeks I have been so wrapped up in the unfairness of my parents and how i don't agree with so much that they do. When I say wrapped up I mean completely consumed. I thought about it all the time and it affected my mood greatly, mainly because i was/am on the receiving end of all the unfairness. I told people about it, who in reality could probably care less about my family situation because they have more stressful things to think about. I don't understand why they do what they do and its really not my place to, all i am really suppose to do is be grateful for what they have done and will continue to do for me. Lets face it im probably not the best daughter in the world, but there are worse. The Lord wants us to be grateful for all that we have no matter how crappy or amazing it is. I should prob start being more grateful even though they work my nerves to no end... but lets be honest for a minute whose parents do not get on their nerves. I love my parents, I just started thinking that maybe if im more appreciative of them then I will be able to show my love better. Maybe I will be happier.
Not to say that me writing this blog or even coming to the realization that I'm not always... or more like I'm never appreciative will make everything better, but i think its a good start. I know that I have the parents I have for a reason. The Lord knew my parents would get divorced and that my mom would move to new york and not be a good mom and that my step-mom would take the place of her and be more like my mom. He even knew she would get on my nerves, i would get on her nerves, and that we would totally clash in every way possible. He also knew all the times we would have fun together and the times when we actually act like a mother and child. However, He put me in it for a reason. Maybe that reason is gratefulness or maybe patience or maybe the observation of how i do and do not want my family to be.... whatever it is... It's good, maybe not now but in the future.
This is kind of a summary of how I have felt. There has been a lack of understanding which causes frustration which shows in my daily life.

I don't understand Your ways
Oh but I will give You my song
Give You all of my praise
You hold on to all my pain
With it You are pulling me closer
And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner
And up every mountain
I'm not looking for crowns
Or the water from fountains
I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing
That the sight of Your face
Is all that I need
I will say to You

It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it
It's gonna be worth it all
I believe this

You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it
You're gonna be worth it all
I believe this


-rita springer
worth it all.