So today was a big day spent of alone time. It is something I'm working on. Today I got home from friend day at POA with Beka and the lights were out in cottingham. So I used that time to spend by myself... partly because no one else was around for me to hang out with. I sat outside and journaled about my summer for a little while. I listened to Kari Jobe while I did that and it was so peaceful. Plus it was beautiful outside. I went to work out for about thirty minutes or so and then sat in the sauna for about eight minutes. I then came back and found a friend to eat dinner with. I can not say that I am a large fan of being by myself all the time but I am trying to like it. Just like the sound of thunder is not comforting being alone is not comforting either. I would just much rather have someone by my side, even if we are not speaking. Just that we are enjoying one anothers company is so much more comforting to me. I know life is not all about comfort and we are not called to be comfortable, its just so much easier.
This semester I believe will give me a lot of opportunities to practice this whole being alone thing.. Im not too excited about it but I do believe it is going to be such a wonderful time of growing.
Well, off to start the second week of school!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
So, usually I'm not much of a blogger or even a person that writes about my life for everyone to see. People tell me that it is good to write things down so it can be processed easier hince the reason for this and my new found journaling that started last night. I figure I should write about my summer so I can take everything in and be able to constantly apply everything the Lord taught me. I am more of a poem writer so this whole writing things more in depth is new to me.
it started. it ended.
With all of this being said I will tell you some of the things the Lord has shown me over the summer. Please do not expect anything intensely profound because I look at life as a simple non complex thing.
1. The Lord loves me. Not just a love like my parents have for me, but a love that is never going to reach a comparable state. I have always known that He loves me but this summer I really wrestled with the reason as to why because im totally and completely undeserving of it.
2. Its okay to struggle and to admit your struggles. That is hard for me because its all part of vulnerability.. something I am no good at. Just like this is okay, its okay to look at yourself on a deeper level than what people see. But im learning and trying.
3. Self Confidence is important. I really can do things I just don't think I can which then prevents me from even trying in the first place. This is something I am working on as well.
4. Its okay to be alone and not surrounded by people all the time. Its actually good for you. I have been doing this and so far Im not a big fan of it. But, i'm sure something good will come from it eventually. For this very reason I am proud to say I have eaten in the cafeteria twice by myself.
I guess over the summer I really learned a lot about myself. I feel like there is so much more but this whole blog thing deals with vulnerability which as seen is learning number 2 I am no good at. So, I'm obviously not going to share it all and its so much you would be bored by the conclusion of it.
So, as I conclude this blog I will leave you with a little something I came up with while journaling last night.
It started with a tree stump and ended with a hug.
It started with hello and ended with see you soon.
It started with strangers and ended with best friends.
It started with six weeks and ended with nine.
What exactly is it, it is the most amazing summer with the most amazing friendship with the most amazing girl.
it started. it ended.